Wednesday, May 29, 2013

I Need Some Me Time

I want to be alone so I can sit in my room and be sad. Jason took Princess and Mom has baby. And I'm in bed surrounded by my doggies and trying not to think the worst and cry. Chin up and all. 

Today I met with Social Worker for baby. She was so happy because parents are on the right track. I know I should be happy for them as human beings. But I'm not. I know anything can change in the next 5 months. And it's wrong for me to pray for bad stuff but in my heart I hope for the worst because I know that would be best for the baby and my family. 
Today I hate social services and I question my sanity in wanting to do this again. I had one go right.  Why role the dice with another. 

Tomorrow I will put a smile on my face and pretend everything is ok. I will remind myself that I am doing good in a child's life even if its for a moment or a lifetime. But I don't think I will ever do this again. Because my heart breaks just thinking about losing her. 


  1. Been reading your blog for a while now and my heart aches for you. Foster parents have a tough "job" but a very worthwhile one. Never forget what a loving, stable home you have provided to this precious child and what a difference it has made in her life and to her future. Praying for strength and comfort for you as you continue to go through this waiting period.

    1. I agree with the above comment. Just think if your little nugget didn't have you all this time, she may not be as happy and healthy as she is. You've given her a wonderful start and nobody can take that away. It takes a very special person to be a foster mom, someone who can give love unconditionally and be able to say goodbye eventually. I know that I couldn't do that, not even with a cat. You are an awesome person! (((hugs))))

  2. I'm so sorry for your loss, Veronica.

  3. Sorry sweetie.(((hugs))) and prayers for you.

  4. Awwww! I feel so sorry for you! Try to be brave!